today i and som other soders cam in to fort harisberg. we cam down to pensilvanea from anoter fort from kansis. spring is comin along and the winter is goin. winters never bin so bad for me. the weter was jus as cold as it was back in ilinoys but it was harder. on the farm ma used to make shur that we was warm. here no one relly care if ya frees. even thogh it was hard work on the farm it was sill relaxed. i think that have two broters and a sister helped. i member when we all snuk out at night to play in the barn an then ma and pa came to see what all the nois was and we all hid and my biger then a pichforck hiet almost gave us up. now everythins diferent. eversinse pa got kiled by one dem darn graybacs i have bin jus watin to get in a batil. ma sid befor i left Jeffrey Michael Douglas you best come home al in one ive al ready lost you pa and i aint losin you you jus a boy of 16 years. as i left the house my cider eyes turned dark as walnuts and i let some teirs out. i gonna get dem yella belid sundey sodier graybacks to skildadel al the way back to englend. dem sotners are so dum. it all started when that stat of south carlina secede. they aint got no right trien to break up our contry. the constituchon evin say they cant. the only reson why they need dem negros is cus they to lasy to do the work demself. they aint got no right to slavery. i meen the declirachon of indepindence do say all men are equal. this contry is based on no one else controlin any one. thats what America is all bout. and if they gonna keep slave for the time bein they ought to treat em right. they beet em like heck. bout a month ago we fond out bout some document that presindent Abriham Lincon sined. they call it the amancipachon proclimachion or something like that. it said that all dem slaves it the south are free and not slaves no more. i think it about time that we nortners show em what right. if they aint gonna get some horse sense in em them we will nock it in em. now we not jus fightin to keep the contry together but also to keep the blacks free. now oter countrys is lafin at us for fightin. they think we like a couple of babys fightin over a doll. us sodiers that came in lat helped eachoter put up som shibangs for the night. the cook made us a welcom cup of cofee and some dreded shet iron crackers. we got some cold bit of bacin to. now we goin to sleep cus we got a long day in front of us.

today was my most excitin day sinse i joined the army. after breakfest eatin i went in to my tent and fel back asleep. i new i sholdent be slepin durin the day but i was to tired and the time i was sleepin i supose a fit as a fidle oficer cam in my tent. he kiked me an woke me up. i was so surprised that my heart jumped to my throt and back down low as my bred basket. i was in lotsa troble and as punisment i had to clean up al the sodiers tents. it was bad. everyone lafed at me as i cleaned but as i went in to a tent ther was no sodier in it. so i jus went in an startin cleanin. i picked up a blankit of the flor and i fond a drawin of a rebil flag. under it was some letters and they was to a graybak geniril tellin him our batil plan. i couldnt belive it the sodier was relly a rebel spy. i took the papers and ran to my oficer and showed him what i found in the tent. then i showed him which tent i found it in. the soldier thanked me and got the spy. since i descovird the spy the oficer let me stop cleanin. al of a suden everyone was real nice to me. they was al chirin me on and sayin good work. i felt as populer as anythin. to kep my aperance i comed my short chestnut har nice. i brushed dirt of my brigt blue jacket and cleaned up my ol hat. as i walked i waked like a geniral. i waked tall and make my mucels show more. people loked at me like a leader an i felt like one. today was my best day in the army an for once i lokin forwerd to tomorow.

today was a day that i did not very much enjoy. it had bin only to days sinse i cot the rebel spy. today is wen they exicut him. i felt bad like cus it was cus of me that he would die. what if he had a family like mine. id alweys want to kil dem rebel but now that i see one i did not lik it. they made the hole fort wach the killin. they put a mask over the spy so he could not see. they tied his hands bihind his beck and mak him nee don on the grond. then they got six or sivin union boys with guns pointin to his head and then they shoot him. it was bad. i starin to feel bad. the spy was relly only a boy. from him they found out he was only 14. they jus shot a boy to smiterins. im startin to think differintly bout the war now. dem soutners are rong but they aint devils they jus boys like me. they jus difendin they homes and farms. i fel real confused now. how can i go to batil now. they all jus normil men like me. i aint like to talk bout men dyin.

now the flowers are blomming and the snow is nearly all melted but evin sinse the wether is good today was a very sad and bad day. today my best friend Jimmy passed away. it watchin was horible him on a hospitil bed jus liein ther and known he was gonna die. i coldnt bear watchin him so helpliss like that. it started a while back when we was back on the fort back in Kansas. we were both new to the war so we bonded fast. we both wer very homesick and we wanted to see our family. we traveled here to fort harisberg together. on the gerney Jimmy cot a diseese wich we found out was malarea. Jimmy had bin sick eversince weve bin at the fort. even wen i got reel populer when i cot the spy i coould act normal round him and didnt have to act touf to prove myself. i hated watchin him die. it was the worstest thing iv ever seen. God give him everything that fine man diserved. I cant talk no more bout the subject. now that the wether is gettin better the oficers are makin us start trainin for a while. its real hard work on our feet how they make us go up and down all the hills ner us. and they test our swimin in the river we near. i think after this entry i aint gonna have much more time to right no more. they workin us day after day. dem say itll do us good when were in batil and dem graybacks will be runnin around like a bunch of parler boys. i have come out to be a leder mong us sodiers. i do lotsa runnin to keep my legs strong and my body fit. i might even be the top rail 1 sodier in the fort. all the fresh fish look up to me. i mostly jest stand out cause am as tall as two pitchfoorks. i liked gettin atenchon at first but now its buggin me. i dont like be a guy that everyone nos. i not used to havin that many people to know. back on the farm i stayed mostly wit my family and that was the way i liked it. army life shur is diferent. id never seen a men in so much pain.

Jimmy rest in peace.

its bin almost two months sinse i rote down somthing. i jest finished my first real batil in the war. and it was a real imprtant and big batil. so many men dyed and i thank the Lord that im still alive. it was called the batil of getiesberg cus thats wear it was. it took us three days but we beat dem lousy good for nuthin graybacks. it was the worstest thing ive ever bin apart of and i magine that the place of eternal sufferin couldnt be much worse. i lost so many men i new it that fight. sinse im strong and a fighter they put me it the front line. for the first to days we didnt get much action cus the rebel comander Lee attacked the right side on the first day and the left side on the second day but on the third a generil Pickett and his graybacks charged at us in the cinter line. we pushed him back and sluatered his troops. but lotsa of our guys went down to. it was so fritining. bullets were wissing by my head. i got throwen to the grond lotsa times and soon we jus stared fitin hand to hand. I was thrown in my fist all over like a madman. one time i got hit real bad. i feel i felt a sharp sting in my leg and id bin slashed by a knife. i kiked a guy of wit my oter leg and hobbled back up and kept right on fitin. i was so scared but i couldnt run off cus i new they catch me and hang me or kill me or do something relly bad. i jus keep shotin then loadin back my gun and then shot agin. I didnt even ever really see who i actchally shot. we were at it wit them for hours and hours befor it actcholly end. we end up winnin the batil but wen we get to our resting point and start rushin people to the hospitil i felt like we lose. men after men come in bloody and all and jus bout to die. i saw one man com in carrying his arm wich had bin cut off. i vomitid many times that night seeing the horifying sites that were worse than enything someone could think of. wen someone talk to me i answer in a high tone unlike my deep voice cus im cant take in all the scary sites. it was bad. real bad. one boy no more than the age of 12 or 13 came in carried in by oter men scremin Im jus a boy jus a boy i cant die i jus a boy. that night helpin in the run down buildin turned into a hospitil was the worst night of my life. they saw we an the rebels combin lost bout 51000 men. the bloodiest war in the history of America. It was like the devil himself had struck. no matter what anyone did noone diservers to die like this.

Today i had the oner of seeing president Lincon give a speech called the getesberg adress in pensilvanea. i was the most inspirin words i ever hear a person talk. President Lincon talked about the war in general and what it was all about. He told bout how the south could not stay seperate from the north. He told how that our fore fathers said that all men were created ecuial when they made this contry the United States of America. he used lotsa fancy words that i did not relly understand but his mesage was very clear to me. it was a speech that made me think we was now gonna win the war. the south was close to betin us but we won at getesberg and we are gonna win agin and agin til they surrender. After hears President Lincons speach i am ready to do batil and fight like i aint ever fot. he told how things were said to be and they were done differntly. when they made this contry they rote things and said things that now are not payed atinchon to. Lincon told bout the bloody masacer that happend hear at gettysburg. still lotsa are troops are dying an now our regiment is short on men. we are nearly out of amo to. President Lincon is real tall and dresed so fancy. he had a great top hat. and a long tailed black suoit. he wore a great bow tie to. i relly looked up to President Lincon. he is the greatest person ive ever seen in my life so far. If i survive this war i can tell my family and maybe even my kids someday i saw the gretest leader ever to walk.

today was my last day of travelin from pensilvaea to tenesee. i herd that down in tenesee they short on troops so they sending troops ther from oter places. pensilvanea was on of dem places. ther wer bout twente five or thirty men that wer ordered to go to tenesee. i was one of dem troops. today we walked bout 20 miles. it was a real hard day. now were at a fort in tenesee. im glad were done walkin. we had bin travelin for four and a half days. we had to travel bout 25 miles a day and one day we had to travel 30 miles. my feet are now swolen wit blisters. also i got bitin up by tons of mosketos. wile we was travelin one of the men died. it was kinda sad even thooo i didnt no him. it sonds sick but i hav gotin used to seen and heerin bout pepel dyin. now my body aacs and is relly sor. i cant wait to sleeep. rite now we all waitin for diner from the cook. The hole trip the wether was very hot. the sun never semed to kuit burnin. i aint ever felt so hot an tired. all my clots i walked in got completly wet from swet. we all relly tired. wile we was walkin i noticid that all the grass was yellow and tan as a hen. the sun has scorhed all the greenery. throo the walk ther were also meny hill and rolin rivers. i dont like the fort we in now. all the guys heer treet us like we fresh fish. we probably bin throo. i wish we was bac in are old camp but ther aint notin we can do. few days bac i got a letta from ma it said that all is good an they all miss and love me. she said that Tim went of an join the Union. i was proud and sad. i was scared that somtin might happen to Tim. ma also say that ther lotsa solger in town and the town runnin low on food. she also said that they didnt get a good harvest and they gonna have a hard winter. they also always gettin buged by bushwakers. i worried bout em. im tired now so im goin sleep.

today was a very disapontin for are regiment. we was on the bordar of varginya and we was gonna try an push dem rebels back so then we can further invad the sowth. we kept firin and marchin but dem graybacks jus kep nokin us down. the problim was that dem graybacks was firin down at us from an upward position. this way it was a much esyer to hit us for them. this time i wasnt so shaky durin the batil. i kept hearin guns goin of and saw bulets was wissing all round me. i felt a sharp sting in my leg an i thout that i was shot but i saw it was a rock that hit me from wear a rebel shell crashed down on us and the rock flew and hit me from the ecplochon. afta the batil it was like ther was a river of union blood. are men was hurt dead or wundid. once agin i got luky that i aint gottin kiled. but i did get a rather large cut on my forhed and my left leg got blodied up from batil to. at the hospital ol sawbons clened my wuunds all up. they still hurt lots. i hear a wuunded majer in the hospitil say that we was gonna get atackid by the rebels. they say that we ar watin for mor men to com down to help us. we relly runin low on amo and suplis. i hop we fare beter than we did today. we got to or dem graybacks ar gonna kil us all.

i will never in my life forget the last three days that i indured. the day is november 25 1863 and the place is chatinooga tenissee. today we ended the batil of chatinuga with a victory. today was the worst day of my life. i howevir did not fight in this batil. at the biginin of it all we was short on sawbons an we had lotsa solgers. our general Ulisis S. Grant dicided that some of are solgers would have to lay down they arms and voluntir to work for our medicel purpeses. i volentered for this. i partly did it cus i was to afraid to do batil agin but i wont ever admit that. i also am a supirstichous fello an even thow threes luky i had a bad feelin bout the batil. i didnt wanna die. but the pain and agony i saw on those solgers faces was worse than any sight thout or creation ever imaginible than no one else but the devil himself. on the first day a fellow was rushed in who had his hands on his stomic to stop his own insids from comin out. even thou i had bin in batils befor i jus then realized the harsh brutelites of war. i aint worth fightin wit are own contry to hav youself die a death so inimaginebl. on the second day it was the same. i was bout to vomit an faint but i kept from it cus it would make me look real stupid. during the night i could not sleep cus all i was thinkin bout was the things i had sen. the next day which is today was the worstest ever. it began wit the talk and startin of batil. some yello bellie solgers start really gulpin down som joy juwce hoppin to git so sick that ther greenhorn will ekcuse them from a fitin. anyways it was bad at the hopitil but it got worse. a solger come in an the docter say he take care him. i didnt get a look at his fase. then ol sawbons says that the solger is dyin an aint gonna liv. he tol me to come over an stay wit him til he die so he can help oter solgers wit a chanse. so i goes over an look at the boy. and God have mercy on me it was Tim. i start criin. and he look at me wit inocent eyes an say Jeff. Jeff. make it better. dont let me die. i wanna liv Jeff. i start crien lots now. i couldnt belive it. my own brother. the one ho i spent al my life wit. my own blood! i start screamin Don't leave me Timmy! you hear me! dont leav me now! he start sayin tell mama an Emily an Mary that i love em an tell mama i sorry an i look afta you from up in the clouds. i start shakin em and now everyone is a lookin an i yell louder than the rebel yell TIM dont talk like that TIM dont leav me. i start cussin. Corn Timmy dont go. God please i yell. then he say wit his last ounce of strenth bye Jeff i love ya an take care of Mama Emily and Mary goodbye Jeff bye. an then he die. i crie so much an everyone lookin at me in silence a run back to camp go in my shebang an lay there for 6 ours jus thinkin. now my jernal gettin al wet wit my tears. now i begin ritin the worst letta of my lif to mama an the rest. Why GOD! what i do rong! is it cus i miss a few prayas. im sorry. God have mercy. God bles Timmy in the afta life. God bles him.

Timothy Michael Douglas God Bless you and Rest In Peace.

i aint rittin nothin for bout mor than a year now. ever since Timmy die i aint feel like takin bout bein soldier. the war is diferent now. people still getin killed. peoples brothirs still dyin. but for what? it jus al means diferent now. i hav hard time shottin in batil now. when i shot my gun God nows hos brother i might be shotin. mama rote me back afta i rote to tell mama bout Timmy. she couldnt beleve it. i almost wept jus readin her letta. she tell me that i gotta come cus they have real problems at home and need help. they low on food. dont now how to farm a crop. an mama say that they keep gettin robed by them bushwackers. i keep tryin to get discharge but the ol bogger say i gotta stay cus we need lotsa solgers for the final push genst dem rebels. i tol him i stil be fitin rebel they jus be bushwakers. he say no. i rite an tell mama i cant come home but i prayin for em. since i last rote i have bin made a captin now. they say the way i fight an leed i mite be a majer som day. but that all dont matter to me i jus wanna go hom. whyd i inlist in this army. ill fight for the caus but i aint gotta give up everythin that i hav for it. when this becam a contry in 1776 or somethin i thoughts we was all on the same side. why cant we all look past the little thins and realize it. we are a contry fight against our selves. if we the union do indeeed win. what have we gotten. all weve done is killed are own contry me to satisfy are own stubernnis. it aint rite. you cant jus secede at the first blink of a problem. an you cant jus go to war at the first blink of the failing of a solutchon. i think than dem sotners didnt even give peace a chanse. they jus wantid to pick up dem arms an start fitin. this war is overdu to be over. im reedy to go home now.

today we celibrat the end of the war. it is april as it was 5 yeers ago when all this war started. Thank God and all his grase. the sining of surender of dem graybacks i heard was at a apomatiks corthowse. we finaly won. glory holiluya. ther was many fakters that made this a viktory. first it was General Shermans atlanta campain. he took atlanta first and then coninuud takin sothern cities. once we surounded the capital richmend. they had no choce but to surender. the graybacks we runnin lo on men an supplies. throo the hole war we always had more men in the war. now i look forwerd to goin home. i have bin givin permichon to go home now. i am gonna camp the night heer an then i started heedin home bout 4 days go. itll take me bout a day mo to get hom. now all the solgers are startin to head home. i started sayin goodbyes to all my buddys few days back. even thoow i get to go home like i wanted i kinda dont wanna leave. its like i gotta start over my life agin now. it gonna be strang not bein in the army. i dont no how ill deal wit the change. im sad and happy to go. all i no is that now i finaly getta see my family agin. this is my last war entry. i wont forget life in the war.

today i got home. finaly. thankful. i am home. home at last. first i write thanks to the Lord for keepin me saf through the war. and god bless Tim an Jimmy an all the oter solgers ho gave ther lives for the Union.
when i can home ma an Mary an Emily greet me wit lots of open arms. all them were weepin an so happy that i had come safe. i start gettin watery eyes too. it was one of the best moment of my lif. we sat an i tol em bout all the war an all my experiences. i tol em bout bein presint to see Presidint Lincoln. An then we al talk bout the assasanachon of Abraham Lincoln. we sat in a moment of silence to oner the grate leeder he was. a good guy. he was shot on april 14 just a weak afta the surender. shot by a darn rebel named john willks booth. it was right while he was wacthin a play in a fords theater. i heard it was our American brother or sister or cusin or somethin like that sort. shot right front of his wife. i hope that man that shoot him die. Die. he deserves it. it aint right to shoot a president. you jus cant.
we then spent into the late ours of the nite catchin up on the last few yeers. Mary and Emily had grown so much. i truly enjoyed that nite.

the date is november 25 1866.
one year since the passin of my dear brother
Timothy Michael Douglas.

today was a grim day. we spent the day in mostly silence we all put flowers in the yard next to a tombstone i made for Tim. we did the same thing for Father two months ago. i remember Tim an i always will. today was a grim day.
i have moved on wit my life. i now go to the local colage wich is new. life is back to the way it was befor the war. but evin thoow the war is over it affectid me in ways that will never be forgoten. the war touched everyone. even those ho didnt fite. everyone had hardships. we all had to endur the bad times. we all had our brit moment and dark moments. many of us lost the peopel closest to us. we all lost a great leader an hundreds of thousands of men.

Each side won many hard fought battles and the Union kept the country intact but in the long run everyone lost in the Civil War.