Brittany Ferguson

Hi, this is for all you folks at home. Well, like every other misinformed family on this earth, I just have to tell you the REAL story behind my ‘red cape’. So sit back relax and get it right. First thing first, my name is Sandy not the little girl in the red, not little red girl, Sandy! That is because I have sand-coloured hair, and green eyes. I am about 4’8, and I am into a lot of sports so I am quite muscular! Second thing you all need to know, the guy who plays the wolf in this story, well he is a retired magician/clown named Phil. (He had to make some extra cash, if you know what I mean). He looked normal on the outside, but I still to this day think he was some kind of alien that eats human, and vanishes when he is sprayed with vinegar! Oh well…
Well it started out on my 10th birthday. Some of my friends and I went to Abrocrombie and Fitch to get some new clothes. This was at a fantastic mall that had just opened in my town. It was lined with purple banners because purple is the colour of royalty and that was what the mall was called. Royal! While we were there all my friends saw things that they adored, so they bought them with the money they had. Me on the other hand, well I am a major fan of theirs so I own practically everything they already have. So anyway, I was looking around and nothing exactly caught my eye. You know when you go shopping and you see a dress that you like but it isn’t worth buying it unless you could spot it a mile away. Well back to the story, but that is what happened. In the very back of the store I saw an amazing to die for shirt! This is where the “little red” part comes in. Yeah yeah yeah, it was red and it had a cute floral pattern just across the front with Abrocrombie and Fitch stitched in the middle. So I tried it on and it was about two sizes too big for me but it was the only one they had in the store, so I bought it! Ok, this wasn’t extremely cheap either (meaning it was EXPENSIVE!), so if anyone laid one dirty hand on it, it would cost him or her their lives! (Girls are like that when it comes to clothes, trust me). Off I went, out of the store, to get some pizza with my friends.
Later, when I got home to my cottage with red bricks and a white roof, I got about the best present I could possibly want! My mum stood underneath the happy birthday banner and told me that my grandma Agatha was sick in bed on my birthday! I know it sounds a little harsh but you don’t understand. On my 7th birthday I had a few friends sleep over, and we were going to have a slumber party! It was really fun, until Grandma Agatha had a little chat with my friends. You don’t want to know what she told them. I don’t even know exactly what she said but I know it was bad because they ran out of the house and didn’t come back. The next day they wouldn’t even look at me and their mothers called and complained to mine about what Agatha had done. I tell you she is the grandmother from hell! She probably raised Freddie Cruger in “Nightmare on Elm Street” or something like that. I feel really bad for my mother though. She is a good woman because whatever Agatha does my mum see past all that and looks at the good aspects she has. If you ask me, they don’t even exist. So because she was sick and because it was my birthday, I had to go over and see her so she could give me a gift she had picked out. I couldn’t wait to see what that was going to be…sarcasm!
Now, I am 10 years old, I don’t skip through the woods. For one, skipping isn’t really my thing, another reason is, are you crazy I mean I could get lost, kidnapped, raped, any of these possibilities. Skipping through woods is worse than all you people see it to be. Oh well, so I was walking down the new road the government had just installed, and let me tell you it was a bumpy walk…well I nearly broke my ankle while hopping over the sidewalk, to find a guy in a clown suit just sitting on the curb. I asked him what his name was and he politely replied, Phil Wolfgang but his friends just called him ‘Wolfie’. I told him my name and we became acquintinces. That is how the stupid narrator got this whole thing mixed up. Wolfie said that he was out of business because his magic tricks made things disappear but didn’t bring them back, and he wasn’t very good as a clown either because he couldn’t make anyone laugh. That’s when I had a brilliant beyond brilliant idea. See, what I would do was go to Agatha, get the gift and Wolfie could make her disappear…FOREVER!!! We started down the road when Wolfie had to take a rest. All of a sudden when I was turned around, he took off like a fly about to be swat. The bad thing was he knew where Agatha lived. So I went about sprinting through the woods to get to the house as fast as I could when I sorta ran into the newly painted fence. (Owwwww! That really hurts trust me! And kids, don’t try this at home). I went into the house and unfortunately, well, she was still there but the place had been robbed. Agatha’s eyes were wide, so I asked her why her eyes were so big. She just said that they were her new contacts. When I asked her why her nose was so long she said in a snappish way,
“Plastic surgery, why dear, you need it too!” That just blew the top off. So I came back with,
“So granny, what are you suffering from…PMS?!” I pulled the sheets off of her and it was Phil. That is when he ripped the sleeve of my new Abrocrombie shirt. Like I said in the beginning if anyone had touched it, it would be his or her lives! Well I can tell you one thing; Phil wouldn’t need to make anymore money after I was done with him. So I just pulled his big red nose and let go. It snapped back onto his face and he yelled. Then it got into a bigger fight! We both ran all around the house breaking everything such as lamps and her China Collection! I have to say; I liked those little blue and green dishes. This is when RLA came in handy, I remembered reading the story of Hansel, Grettel, and the witch. So I went into the kitchen and turned on the oven. I put a piece of cloth over it and said,
“Hey Wolfie! You think you can beat me? Let’s see you try!” I tell you, what a stupid moron! While he charged at me, I stepped to the side and he ran straight into the oven. I closed the door and to my supprise he didn’t get burned just more powerful. I knew I was in big trouble! So I remembered Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and I sprayed water on him, at least I thought that it was water. Later on it turned out to be vinegar, but he melted anyway! The day was saved. I got my revenge for my shirt, my birthday present, and best of all, Agatha was still missing! Well I opened the door to get home and guess who was standing there…yeah granny. Oh well, after that I spoke of this to no one because I knew they would never believe me, but books about me came out from rumors, because they never actually found Phil after that. People believed those so I figured they might want to know the real story. So do you all believe me now? No? Huh that is weird…oh well! It’ll just be our little secret ok?